Friday, December 31, 2004
f\ nothing actually \f
retarded`
cant get over everything..
past, present..
now u understand..
but i cant heal..
is it true.. whats real..
[unspoken words often hurt someone]
if i stop dreaming. 10:54 AM +
Thursday, December 30, 2004
f\ you drew my heart, but you nvr fill it up \f
happy whole day, jst bcos of one important person make u upset, ur world can collapse.. jst bcos of one person, u r able to dont care e whole world.. why.? cos that one person is everything.. i also dont know if its real eh, no more trust.. ive never heal before eh, i force myself to believe de.. so many bad stuff, i wish to forget, but i nvr can.? i could not leave someone who mean alot to me, i dont wish to let all these drain.. though i dont seek happiness, i definately dont seek upsetness.. is this what i want.? my fren last time oready told me things will repeat, aiya.. but now is like more jialat noh, i become more sensitive, protective, think so much, care so much.. for what.? why eh.. i now also dont know if he were in my place, what will he think of it.. same buai song.? like not eh.. mistakes always repeat, and God always say must give ppl chance.. things get rotten liao then regret meh.. so confused.. i hope to know if its real..
if i stop dreaming. 6:12 PM +
f\ nothing to do..just a story \f
once there was a couple of best pals namely C and J.. they loved each others' company, and they cared much for one another.. C concerned alot for J, which made J look C as a big sis though J was older.. J had a bf, X who loved her very much.. J was still young, so she did not show much action, and was not sure.. X was always left alone with his pals, but he really wanted to be with J only.. X was confused about J's non-actions but he was still hopeful.. X decided to get a handphone, so he could contact J, while J only had a pager.. one fine day, when C, J and all their frens were talking merrily, J told C that theres always an unknown number paging her.. C looked at e number and suggested it is X, so she offered to call e number.. it was X, and he wanted to talk to J, and they chatted with a smile on her face, but it was only a very short conversation.. that night, X smsed C and they chatted, C was ironing in her air conned room.. X knew what J was thinking: J was going to break with him.. X was devastated, he asked C for advice.. C could not talk out with J, cos J said clearly that she made up her mind.. so C decided, since they almost evrytime take the same bus and walk the same route to school.. C tried hard to let X follow up to J.. but evrytime C hand signalled X to follow up fast, J will walk even faster.. C and X did not know what to do.. C could only comfort him.. less than afew days later, they broke up.. after that, X started to sms C evryday.. its not just evryday, its evry min, almost evry sec.. they smsed from morning to night, night to morning.. sometimes C will hide her handphone under her pillow case, so evry morning when X smsed her, she will reply no matter how early it is.. sometimes X will ask "why do u wake so early.?" as it was 6 or 7 in e morning.. C will just say that she jst woke up too.. several times C's parents caught her smsing in e very late night, she didnt care, she still tried her best to reply his evry msg.. sometimes X will tell C theres bad news, it was bcos X was not very rich, and his bill was really bombastic.. he suggested to cut down, but in e end, they still smsed each other almost evry min.. they somehow got closer, they understood each other well and cared alot for one another.. they felt as if they were siblings, which God forgot to put them together.. but they still thought sometimes real siblings will often quarrel, they were glad they never fight.. sometimes when C was free, she will visit X at his workplace.. sometimes its jst walking past, she will still look for him and greet him.. X helped C alot, like solving her problems and comforting her.. X never fails to brighten C up, no matter how upset she was.. sometimes C got jealous cos X and his frens like to ask other girls' number.. sometimes C got upset cos she never knew how X felt about her.. C started to write tiny love letters and drew pictures and drew X's name evrywhere in her diary, bcos she was liking him secretly.. she was afraid of rejection, as she lost an important relationship once.. once she even had a weird dream, she dreamt she was at e Ava room and X just busting in and shouted "I Love You" to C.. there was some connection, X was an Ava club member.. she told her friends about the weird dream, they told her it may come true.. it was until one fine night, afew months later, as X sometimes will ask C for nice sms, C decided to send X a love msg.. C waited for his reply, even afew mins was rather awkward and long.. X finally replied, he murmured a "err.. thanks.. nice".. C got angry, she scolded X "i send u that msg is for real.. i really like u alot, if u dont like me, pls tell me".. his reply took longer, C thot she could have ruined it, she scared X away.. she was outside, so she jst pace around.. then X replied "no, i like u since then".. upon recieving e msg, C was very happy.. although she believed that guy should take e first step, how could she let go of e oppotunity, and then she was jst reliefed.. their relationship was rather simple, they never held hands before.. C and X had PE on e same day, and they were from e same house.. after school, they once decided to go home in couple shirt.. their frens teased, but they didnt care.. her friends also reminded her about the dream, "so it came true, in some way".. some people misunderstood that C snatched away J's bf, but they were best friends, they just explained openly.. J was also happy for C.. then one day, C was going to meet up with an irc guy, she told X she was rather nervous.. on e same day, X had a tournament of his favourite hobby.. he promised C that, no matter what happen, he will fly to her.. C was glad, and she went to meet up with e guy, who was very talkative.. after awhile of e guy yakking yakking, C decided to leave and meet up X.. C told X that she was going to meet somewhere near his tournament.. X said he will be there to find her.. C waited and walk around e place, and e irc guy called her, they chatted.. she waited and waited, X told C to wait.. suddenly, X told C that he could not make it.. C got angry, she didnt bother about anybody, and went home.. she was near tears on e way home, she had waited for X for more than 2 to 3 hours.. she was harsh to leave, X apologized and they decided to be siblings back.. X still cared alot, he would fetch C home from late tuition.. and brighten her up when she was down.. and sometimes will company C home from school.. C sometimes still visit X at his workplace and also the exhibition where his boss had his stall setted up.. then went out and have fun with her other bros, she didnt care when her parents told her not to go out with a bunch of guys, only C was e only girl(they thot of e guys was her bf).. her parents even saw X once when he fetched C home, they liked him bcos he was known gentleman.. sometimes when there were events, C will wait for him, then went home together.. there were times X wanted C back, but C somehow jst want it e way they are.. although they never said "lets stead" "u r my boyfren" "u r my girlfren" what sweet words not.. theres still someting special, eh.?
if i stop dreaming. 5:18 PM +
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
f\ will you fill my heart \f
yesterday talk to my fwen from 3.30 like that til late.. shared alot of stories ba, some sad some funny.. waa, n i still remember e sight of my pillow.. didnt realise its all(whole) yellow, all bcos tears.. i know i sobbed alot, but thats really crazy, worth it anot.? i dont know, abit dont think so ler.. life is damm unfair de noh, i wanna grow up faster.. hmm.. didnt know all these meant so much.. so much that im forever getting upset.. will get sick n tired de noh.. see my previous blog, so many suky stuff eh.. can i dont care anot, and breakaway.. maybe we dont know each other well, maybe we always misunderstand each others' purpose.. although others can help u see e whole pic(sometimes i dont approve), its urself who shld really knows urself best.. make rule, ownself break.. wan me do thing, ownself dont do.. dont wan me do things, ownself go do.. no respect n responsibility de.. im like nothing eh.. instincts may be false, but when e eyes see and e ears hear clearly.. then shld know what to do and make decisions.. hmm.. so now waiting for e time, 5.30 like that we meet, then we compete noh.. waa, if win we oready know who our nxt competitor ler.. cos that team22 played quite long ago, then they won team1, 3-2.. maybe they are pross.. eek.! i rule myself..
Team 11: (CuRyMunHcHeR5 , HellAngel)
ranks:double golden axe,wand
Team 24: (ang3lrikku , legencymvp)
ranks:double side golden axes
Team 24 win.! score..3:1 (win 3 outta 5 to next level)
Game1: (Dumy Slopes) had a plan, n we evrytime talk in private. shh.. Win!
Game2: (Sea of Heros) followed same plan.. Win!
Game3: (Meteor What) we got killed and i missed many times.. Lose!
Game4: (Candy Land) very lucky, can win. unfortunately cury still as noob(very), hellangel said he got pissed off and left.. (instant)Win!
if i stop dreaming. 4:04 PM +
Monday, December 27, 2004
f\ never be replaced \f
[Chorus]
Baby
I love you and i`ll
never let you go
But if I have to boy I think that you should know
All the love we make can
never be erase
And
i promise you that you will
never be replaced
Baby
I love you and I`ll
never let you go
But if I have to boy I think that you should know
All the love we make can
never be erase
And
i promise you that you will
never be replaced
I love you yes
i do
I`ll
be with you as long as
you want me too
Until the
end of time
From the day
I met you I know we`ve
be together
And now I know I wanna
be with you forever
I wanna
marry you and i wanna have your kids
Thinking never compare to
feel enough to
kisses
I can say i`m
truly happy to the same
You`ve made me think I`ll
die and live my life hesitate
There`s never been
no doubt in my mind
That i`ll regret ever
having you by my side
But if the day come that i`ll have to
let you go
I think that something I should probadly let you know
With
everything that i spent with you
Then i will
miss you cuz i`m happy that
i have you at all
[Repeat Chorus]
I
feel for you yes i do
I`ll
be with you as long as you want me to
Until the end of time -1st Ladi
if i stop dreaming. 10:13 PM +
f\ will nvr forget u, and what we said \f
on xmas eve [23\12] quite fun ba.. i dont know.. went to yanfang house, so siann.. nothing to do de, house not so big also.. cheyy.. then when play mahjong, uno and cards then more fun ba.. i won a round of mahjong eh, so heng.. darlin so long haven reach, then said he dont know how to go.. i kept looking at e door for him eh, waiting and hoping for his presence.. they saw me standing at e door, and asked got who outside.. i so paiseh eh, i said nobody.. then my bro said waiting for who, then they know liao.. hahah i said ya lah, my darlin.. then darlin came i dont know why so happy, but paiseh so abit dont care him.. hahah.. then they go down play bball, i and him go suntec watch kungfu hustle noh.. watched 1.40am de show, watch til 3+am, went his house sleep.. nxt day wake up then awhile after, go home liao.. hmm.. quite happy noh, i sent out 5 cards only like abit kiam siap.. anyway evryone recieved got say something eh.. especially those very very long nv chat liao.. haixx so heart warming.. hahah.. thanks to encouragement from my good fwen(see this: stop saying i understand eu(lOl sorry i copy eu) all those, i cant take it liao.. too touching turns bland), who gave me e idea.. quite happy for them ba.. they all say surprised to see my card, then farz ask me organise an outing.. hmm.. still thinking abit.. must within this week eh, she flying off liao.. sobs sobs, she go for more than two weeks like that.? very long noh.. means cannot go charlet.? sobs sobs.. ohh yeaa.. hahahah.. so funny, i and les go join guild event and be partners.. can see our nicks in e guild webby, we r team 24: e last team.. hehh.. abit excited noh.. must win 3rnds to win each level.. sure got alot of pross so we play play join for fun anyway.. if win then songs liao.. =D today start arh, hope we can go at least quite far.. yeaa.. wait for me.. and train train abit first.. [60yrs old+62yrs old- will never forget what u said, and what they said XD]
if i stop dreaming. 9:29 AM +
f\ if you're not the one \f
evrytime lie lie lie lie lie, punk.. anyway nowadays keep dreaming i killing him off noh.. yesterday was he became dua pai kia.. then i scold him he dont want listen, i told him break then gone ler.. hehh.. abit dulan noh e feeling, i wanted to scold vulgarities like that.. but in e end i just left him.. then today arh, was he lied noh.. he went out with a girl for two days never tell me.. went her house, went her aunt's wedding, took fake wedding photo.. then i saw e photos.. haixx then i said i will do something like that with a guy.. so bbyex and dont wish to see u again.. so dulan e feeling also.. hahah.. but then wake up liao e feeling is relieved eh.? maybe its like real, then e feeling of singlehood is carefree n relieved ba.. hahah.. why oh why.. yeaa i did alot of bad things eh, but he dont know.. but evrytime he lie, i know.. so suay.. so my fren say if e guy flirts, e gf dont bother.. means they dont love each other.. actually i knew we dont love each other lah, its not all about having e feelings only, isnt it.. there r needs of chemistry, trust, communication, faithfulness, blah blah blah.. hard eh, some ppl can change noh.. imagine an ultimate fun loving person, with an emotional and senitive half(means partner).. like abit no chemistry.? somehow, ive read many articles.. alot made sense.. like if one party's feelings is fading, e reason is most probably both parties r not putting effort.. [ hang on..hold on]
if i stop dreaming. 9:19 AM +
Monday, December 20, 2004
f\ sighh.. breakkawayy \f
im not suppose to
love you..
im not suppose to care..
im not suppose to live my life..
wishing you were there..
im not suppose to wonder..
where you are and what you do..
im sorry i cant help myself..
cause im in love with you..
if i stop dreaming. 10:57 PM +
Sunday, December 19, 2004
f\ my wish is happiness to all \f
hiya.. yesterday [18\12] is my birthday.. thankies thankies lots to evrybody eh.. thankies to those who remember my birthday.. and thankies for all those lovely prezzies.. =D quite fun i guess.. hehh.. so on my birthday i slept for less than 5hrs only.. was so tired after a whole day out.. hmm.. first stop was collect prezzie from sy.. she bought me my first gloomy bear.. hahah.. its a cute pink bank.. althou cannot really play with it i still like it lah.. next stop is siong n jane noh.. siong gave me a towel made winnie e pooh.. cute too.. =] after that went home put down n open de.. hehh.. after that i n my darlin liao noh.. he hold two big plastic bag eh.. -.= very nice of him lah.. we whole day walk n eat only.? hehh.. but fun noh.. he hand pain cos take alot of things.. we ate quite alot arh.. first is swensen but eat not that much but talk alot.. hahah.. then go here n there de.. actually wan sit dont know what cable car eat dinner.. heng arh i abit scared.. exp too eh.. =S then dinner eat at one place got steamboat n grill not bad noh.. got diy ice cream too.. ate veri long eh.. from 7 lik that wait til gonna 8 lik that.. 10+ then finish eating.. go home veri jialat got jam n no taxi.. 11+ then reach home.. hmm.. actually my plan not like that.. my plan is to treat my frens go eat eh.. but aiya he say he plan hao hao ler.. so i abit bobian.. maybe some other day ba.. so paiseh eh.. yeaa.. got two frens still need to deliver to my house but im not there (and i dont know how they thot im at home).. so sorry.. =S great day afterall.. X)
if i stop dreaming. 1:21 PM +
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
f\ its raining inside me \f
yoo.. yesterday night my fren talk to me noh.. he very funny.. he gonna help me win e digital camera arh.. then he say hope my bf wont jealous.. then dont know say if my bf get me a camera.. he dont know get me what.. hahah.. only he arh evryday see me say my bday comin.. i dont even say it myself.. hmm.. we have quite alot in common.? quite glad eh.. when i had those problems i feel so lousy n dont know who to turn to.. nv knew he had e same problem as i did.. talk about emotional ppl.. hehh.. like me, he became sensitive, protective and cry (he tell me cannot tell his gf) many nights cos of gf.. like me, he forever cursin n hatin evrybody around his gf.. maybe when ppl hear liao think its funny or nth serious eh.. lik kinda silly.? but i understand noh.. cos i felt e same way.. no wonder how bady he is.. i feel he is my fren.. but i definately dont follow him.. e only think different is his stubborness more jialat than me.. he veri hard hearted arh.. hahah.. so yesterday we chatted i tell him abit abit of how i felt (kinda confused) then he one moment say happy stuffs (felt really happy for him.. n his gf.. haa he classified her as rich girl seh -.=) then e next he say he not stupid, relationships dont last forever (yrs.? months.?).. ive got nothin to say noh.. i only say believe n jst dont give up.. then he say as long she happy (like me, as long he happy) or else whatever upsets her, jst leave her (harsh.!).. but i dont wan talk liao lah.. hehh.. i save e rest of e batt talk to my darlin.. but siann.. x.X
if i stop dreaming. 10:05 AM +
Monday, December 13, 2004
fx[ someday somewhere out there ]xf
sigh.? sigh sigh.. yesterday talked to a fren.. this guy, evrybody arnd me evrytim say hate him all that.. but i dont know why they dont affect me.. i still feel he is my fren.. althou he is a bady but i saw his inside before ma.. and yesterday then found out he is almost e same as me.. he is so emotional, towards his gf he turned sensitive, protective and cry many times.. hah.. was rather surprised he suffered e same way as i did.. but glad he is alright now ba.. he kinda more jialat than me eh.. n stubborn as me.. he said he hate her but all he want is her.. poor guy.. aiya moz ppl wont understand de leh.? n wont understand that evrytime i see a photo i can picture how e photo was taken and sometimes i can remember e day's event.. but some person go n delete my photo.. talk about violating my property.! sigh cannot see my darlin's cute round face liao.. what a murderer.. o well i decided to do alot of tings eh.. i wanna pick up all e pieces.. hope they will be happy when they see it.. im in a mixture of happy and sad and terribly confused arh.. i cant help myself but i can make others happy.. hahah.. =/
if i stop dreaming. 3:09 PM +
Saturday, December 04, 2004
fx[ moulin rouge ]xf
great movie seen again and again.. found a great web which has all the songs from the movie.. wee.. like it veri much.. http://members.aol.com/Secrtplace/MR_Lyrics.htm =]
[curious and broad minded, Sagittarians have a great love of learning and are very concerned with higher issues like the meaning of life and religion. they are clear thinkers, able to see the "big picture". Sagittarians speak their mind regardless of the outcome, which can lead to hurt feelings. Sagittarians dont like to feel hemmed in and are prone to taking gambles.]
if i stop dreaming. 11:40 AM +
